buddhist desire vs pagan desire

so one of the first things i encountered at camp was deeply interesting in light of my previous training. the backdrop of camp was the story of freya, the goddess of sensuality, beauty, and grace. (also a warrior goddess, but we didn't get into that .) the intent of the opening ritual was "i open myself to the flow of desire."

i immediately got caught up on the word desire. desire, for me, was mostly informed by a monastic chastity that's practiced in buddhism, yoga, and various european traditions. there are a number of stodgy old men that had to confront sexual temptation on the way to their spiritual awakening. subconsciously i had started to embody a kind of listless disinterest. i had been consciously watching my relationship to desire in my life through drinking, partying, dating, practicing, etc. and i definitely saw a change in the intensity with which i wanted things. i could see my desires but they felt calmer and more manageable.

this was pretty cool for me, and i was enjoying the simplicity and rigor of my days. the truth is that a lot of desire leads me down paths that waste or drain my energy. i didn't feel that this was completely true, but the whole point of my discipline was to focus and gather that energy, to build a foundation and get prepared. however it also became clear to me that something wasn't being properly nourished. i was feeling exhausted and unfocused in my practice.

then at witchcamp, i encountered a totally different conception of desire. in our basic human nature, sexuality connects us to the fertile cycles of the earth, to the luxurious sensuality of nature, its fruits, flowers, and myriad creatures. as i began to open into that i realized that this desire, far from being an obstacle of concentration, was the delightful experience of a human body. we are wired for bliss, for openness, peace, and cooperation. desire then became synonymous with flow, because if i held myself focused in the present moment i could experience a continual flow of blessings and openings.

that flow however, was a tricky thing. i didn't really get it until after my affinity group ritual (blazingly successful) when i truly felt the release of the projections, on myself and others. i left that evening more vitalized and thriving than ever, and from that moment on magic followed me again and again throughout the week.

so desire is also a tricky thing, i guess. from a buddhist perspective i still see the use, at least in terms of understanding how craving generates mental addiction, basically karmic patterns. the two kind of operate in separate paradigms, but i still feel immense gratitude for having stumbled into this path of delights. i'll expand on this one later. for now the best way i can summarize the pagan desire is the awakening to my heart's desire. my final gift at camp came from this first essential lesson:

How beautiful and lascivious the black hearted innocence of children and animals.